The Shop Brunch

Brunch at The Shop Brunch provided a lovely outdoor venue for drinks, food and conversation, in Santa Barbara, California

It feels really good to know that I still have solid friendships from high school. With Derrick, it’s been such a joy to visit him in Santa Barbara over the decades. I still remember with great fondness how he told me he was interested in his friend – who would later become his partner as they raised their family. It’s incredible to meet his kids and walk with them in the Santa Barbara Botanical Gardens. Most importantly, it’s truly lovely to see how we’ve both grown as people – long after classroom days past.

Because of life and what have you, the last time I’d had lunch with and seen Derrick was two years ago. With a intuitive burst of desire for intelligent conversation, we made plans for brunch at The Shop.

After all, La Super-Rica Taqueria is great. But, why not try someplace new?

After hugs and hellos, we ordered at the host stand. After a short wait, our orders were brought to us at the table.

My SALMON TOAST (Poached egg, house cured salmon, red onion, fried capers, dill crème fraîche) arrived and I promptly donated my egg to Derrick.

The SHOP BLOODY (Kumiho vodka, Shop bloody mix, pickled asparagus) was smooth, with the pickled asparagus offering a welcomed contrast of bite.

The conversation was fast and deep.It’s partly what I greatly appreciate regarding conversing with a psychologist with decades of experience in dealing with human emotions, thought process and tactical experience within the world. But more so, what I appreciate about Derrick is his immediate openness to go deep – without self or societal judgement. With some people, asking a question illicit self editing for political correctness sake, projected judgements of “you can’t ask that” and a dominance of projected agenda.

Derrick has a fearless honesty that leaves me inspired to ask more. when we discussed the impact of a social push toward a “me first” culture, Derrick reflected: “Fame is the most attractive quality a person can have.”

In this, we discussed the “viral first” push in society to cast aside ethics, morals and self respect toward gaining fame. Sometimes, at any cost. Yet – if this “main character” energy produces more isolation and separation from the community – is there a future in which we can turn the tide and rein it in?

Another interesting conversation we dove into is intimacy. Personally, I think the idea of intimacy is overly sexualized – because not all intimacy between people is about sex. It’s about a space in relationships to allow vulnerability in. I think that because it’s so rare in society, one might project sexual feelings unto that conduit of connection.

However, I still think that comes from a society that is starving for intimacy and connection. For an authentic connection and relationship with another person / collective group.  Combined with radical venerability – and we could shift back to a more connected and unified society.

It reminds me of the conversation I had with Micheal at Coffee and Plants in Studio City. I think we’re trained to spend so much time hiding behind how we should “brand” our personalities to advance forward in life. To shrink ourself into small words to describe ourselves. Instead of understanding that each one of us is a complicated mass of memories, experiences and reactions.

This is why I love having friends like Derrick. Because on a beautiful warm day in Santa Barbara, you can have conversations and talk about these things. For me, that’s what life is about.

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