Tartine Santa Monica

Tartine Santa Monica, located in a former church, is a scene - to be sure. But, come here for decent food and conversation with a friend - and you'll be happy

We have come a long way from Everclear singing about the vibes of Santa Monica, circa 1995. Now, it feels like it’s turned into a pretentious hive of Tik Tok, You Tube, Only Fans and online stars, trying to exist in the physical world.

It’s becoming insufferable.

But, at least the parking signs are clearer and make sense.

However, I wanted to meet Johann at a new to me Tartine location. So, when it was time to schedule a weekend lunch meet up, I suggested Tartine’s Santa Monica location.

Parking is relatively easy. There’s a valet next to Tartine and street parking.

Now, Tartine Santa Monica, on its own, is rather beautiful to behold. It’s located in an old church and is pretty large – with indoor and outdoor seating as well..

After a short stand in line, and Johann joined me and we ordered.

Now, at Tartine Santa Monica, the outside  tables and chairs are a bit – whimsical to say the least. How whimsical? I picked a chair and table set up, sat down and immediately felt short.

Like, uncomfortably short in comparison to how one is expected to eat at a table. So, I got a bar stool from a nearby table to sit on.

Immediately, it felt better.

Soon after, my DOUBLE SMASH BURGER (grass fed beef patties, white gouda switched out for the American cheese, celery remoulade sauce, fennel confit, shredded lettuce, sweet potato bun).

It was decent enough – with the Olive Oil TORRES CHIPS and SANTA MONICA BREW WORKS 310 BLONDE.

Another Tartine location – another carrot, like at Tartine Pasadena.

I was a little disappointed that they didn’t have a fries as an option, like at the Tartine Sycamore location. But, it was what it was.

I also enjoyed looking at Johann’s SMOKED SALMON TARTINE (whipped cream cheese, pickled mustard seed, preserved lemon, pickled red onion, dill, country bread).

Granted, it was pretty. But, pricing was …. high for what you get.

Conversation flowed and the vibe was right.

It was a scene of pretty people and peacock preening.

After finishing our main lunch courses, I offered to split the LEMON MERINGUE BAR, that I’d bought, between us as  a treat.

However, what really got me to realize that the vibe in Santa Monica has changed was one slight interaction with a fellow patron at the end of our meal.

This rudeness brought forth that people would rather be pretty than authentic, be the “main character” in their made up story, and be rude rather than execute minute polite social graces.

It really makes me value the real, salt of the Earth friendships I have, since growing up and living in Los Angeles. Yes, native to Los Angeles people exist. But wow, things have changed.

But, as for comparing it to the rest of the Tartine’s branches in Los Angeles…. frankly, the Tartine Sycamore location in West Hollywood is the best of all of them. Better, more comprehensive menu, more beers on draft and a more – adult – vibe.

But, if you want a place to be seen and get off on being too cool for everyone, by all means, flock here.

You’ll fit right in.

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