The Shop Kitchen

One morning, while staying at the Mira Monte hotel for a friend’s wedding, I was in desperate need for breakfast. The hotel’s on site restaurants – Costa and Lido just weren’t it.  So, I walked back to the front desk and approached the exceptionally friendly woman with one question: where do you go in Santa Barbara when you don’t want to cook and eat at home.

A thoughtful pause later, she immediately said The Shop and Jeannie’s American Bakery Restaurant. Since my parking spot in front of the hotel was way too perfect to give up to drive to Montecito, I opted to take a Lyft to The Shop.

There’s just something about the vibes of a sunny morning in Santa Barbara. As I arrived at The Shop, the familiarity hit. THIS was the spot that I needed to be at for a great start to my day.

Browsing the menu, I zero’d in on the Brunch Burritos section. The host absolutely RAVED about the Fried Chicken (fried chicken, scrambled eggs, American cheese, shop potatoes, avocado, spicy mayo). However, would it taste just as delicious with my modifications of no eggs and switching the American cheese to havarti?

Yes. Yes it damn well did. And I would say – even better.

I also ordered a glass of the Tropical Mango Macha (house made mango syrup, coconut water, matcha cold foam, sprinkle of coconut).

The only thing missing was Derrick. Usually, we’d sit there and talk about psychology, food, life and everything in between. It still stings sometimes that one of my best friends since middle school moved to New Zealand. I can’t just drive up to Santa Barbara, hang out with his family, and dive into those conversations. But at least he’s only a text away.

The hard part about places like this is how tied they get to your memories. You come back a year later, see the table where you sat, the spot where you laughed—and you realize they’ve moved on to a new chapter, while you’re here with the memories. The food is still great, the vibes are still sunny, but it’s you and the echoes now.

Life moves on.

Previously

It feels really good to know that I still have solid friendships from high school. With Derrick, it’s been such a joy to visit him in Santa Barbara over the decades.

I still remember with great fondness how he told me he was interested in his friend – who would later become his partner as they raised their family. It’s incredible to meet his kids and walk with them in the Santa Barbara Botanical Gardens.

Most importantly, it’s truly lovely to see how we’ve both grown as people – long after classroom days past.

Because of life and what have you, the last time I’d had lunch with and seen Derrick was two years ago. With an intuitive burst of desire for intelligent conversation, we made plans for brunch at The Shop. After all, La Super-Rica Taqueria is great. But, why not try someplace new?

After hugs and hellos, we ordered at the host stand. After a short wait, our orders were brought to us at the table.

My SALMON TOAST (Poached egg, house cured salmon, red onion, fried capers, dill crème fraîche) arrived and I promptly donated my egg to Derrick.

The SHOP BLOODY (Kumiho vodka, Shop bloody mix, pickled asparagus) was smooth, with the pickled asparagus offering a welcomed contrast of bite.

The conversation was fast and deep. It’s partly what I greatly appreciate regarding conversing with a psychologist with decades of experience in dealing with human emotions, thought process and tactical experience within the world.

But more so, what I appreciate about Derrick is his immediate openness to go deep – without self or societal judgement. With some people, asking a question illicit self editing for political correctness sake, projected judgements of “you can’t ask that” and a dominance of projected agenda.

Derrick has a fearless honesty that leaves me inspired to ask more. When we discussed the impact of a social push toward a “me first” culture, Derrick reflected: “Fame is the most attractive quality a person can have.”

In this, we discussed the “viral first” push in society to cast aside ethics, morals and self respect toward gaining fame. Sometimes, at any cost. Yet – if this “main character” energy produces more isolation and separation from the community – is there a future in which we can turn the tide and rein it in?

Another interesting conversation we dove into is intimacy. Personally, I think the idea of intimacy is overly sexualized – because not all intimacy between people is about sex. It’s about a space in relationships to allow vulnerability in. I think that because it’s so rare in society, one might project sexual feelings unto that conduit of connection.

However, I still think that comes from a society that is starving for intimacy and connection. For an authentic connection and relationship with another person / collective group.  Combined with radical venerability – and we could shift back to a more connected and unified society.

It reminds me of the conversation I had with Micheal at Coffee and Plants in Studio City. I think we’re trained to spend so much time hiding behind how we should “brand” our personalities to advance forward in life. To shrink ourself into small words to describe ourselves. Instead of understanding that each one of us is a complicated mass of memories, experiences and reactions.

This is why I love having friends like Derrick. Because on a beautiful warm day in Santa Barbara, you can have conversations and talk about these things. For me, that’s what life is about.

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