Nearly a year after my mom's death, I saw my favorite yoga teacher had space in his upcoming Mexico retreat. All I could think was, "go." So, I did.
This has single handedly been the hardest and most challenging experience to write about.
It was almost a year after my mom’s death. The shock of the event had settled and I’d slowly gotten used to the new reality I’d begun existing in. But, the fact that her death day was mere days away from her birthday was a bit – much. I felt I couldn’t physically stay in Los Angeles with the weight of the grief. I couldn’t navigate it, couldn’t fathom it. It kept hitting me relentlessly, like waves cascading on a beach. Sometimes, I I found myself sitting and suddenly crying. I – simply put – needed to get out of LA.
One afternoon, I found myself scrolling Instagram. Suddenly, I stopped. I saw that one of my favorite yoga teachers from my time at YogaWorks, Joe Kara, had space available in his upcoming yoga retreat in Mexico. I had no idea where Sayulita was. But, I knew I felt a sense of needing to ask him more about the experience. I checked the dates and the week of the trip coexisted with my mother’s death date and her birth date.
With the timing and price, I felt it this was the right choice of what to do – to celebrate her life and be at peace within mine.
After a quick back and forth with Joe, the only thing I could think of was “go”.
So, I did.
Journey to Haramara: Puerto Vallarta to Sayulita
Landing in Puerto Vallarta was easy. I breezed through customs, gathered my bags and met everyone outside.
I stood there as people re-met friends they’d made on Joe’s previous retreats. I tried to make small talk as rides to Haramara were coordinated. I felt SO out of place and didn’t know what to expect.
In this, I realized that part of me distracting myself was to throw myself into a new situation and make myself swim instead of drown. And that – I most certainly did. The only person I knew on the trip was Joe. Plus, this was the first week long yoga retreat I’d ever been on. Frankly, I didn’t know if I knew how to relax. After an extended stay at Conrad Maldives – Rangali Island, the idea of relaxing gave me physical anxiety. But, I was hopeful.
I was even more hopeful as I enjoyed a Coronita as we all waited.
The ride to the retreat center was scenic and pleasant. Once we arrived, Haramara was stunningly beautiful and truly the gift I needed to give myself. We were given a warm welcome, our bags were placed in our casitas as we enjoyed chips, salsa and a buffet of delights.
Exploring the property while waiting for my room to be prepared was nothing short of exquisite. Each area I was led to revealed new details of thoughtful design and natural beauty that captivated me.
When I was finally led to my Casita, aptly named Jade, I was utterly captivated. From the moment I stepped inside, I knew I had entered a space that was truly special. This wasn’t just a room—it was a sanctuary, a haven of eco-luxury that exceeded even my wildest expectations.
Every detail of the suite was meticulously crafted, blending modern comfort with the charm of natural elements. The soft, earthy tones harmonized with the vibrant greenery outside, creating a seamless connection to the surrounding landscape.
It was more than just a space for me to sleep; it was an experience that celebrated the beauty of nature and the art of hospitality in perfect harmony. There, for the first time – and if I liked it or not – I had to be with myself. I had to hear my own thoughts.
I woke up to the sun radiating over the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes, all I could do was just stare.
It healed me.
I simply loved the property of Haramara Retreat Center itself. Walking everywhere became a daily ritual, and with it came a range of experiences. At times, navigating the rugged terrain was a challenge, testing my endurance and balance.
Yet, in those moments, I felt a profound sense of accomplishment and grounding, as though the land itself was reminding me of my own strength. Other times, the walk was purely invigorating, filling me with energy and awe as I encountered breathtaking views, vibrant flora, and the occasional curious wildlife.
The food at the retreat center was an absolute delight, a perfect blend of nourishment and indulgence. Every meal felt like a celebration of fresh, wholesome ingredients, thoughtfully prepared to honor both flavor and wellness. Each dish was crafted with care, bursting with vibrant colors, textures, and tastes that left me not just full, but deeply satisfied.
Same with the delicious Pina Coladas by the pool.
Rejuvenation: Massages, Sayulita & Islas Marietas National Park
The highlight of the week was the personal care I took for myself. On Sunday, I got a hot stone massage with Erika. Monday? Another massage with Tomash.
Tuesday, I took a walk down the path to the town of Sayulita to get currency exchanged. Then, I had a massage with Omar. Wednesday? The only thing on my to do list was a massage with Jim.
On Thursday, I booked a boat trip through the Haramara concierge to Islas Marietas National Park. This was an incredible checkmark on my list of desires.
I also stopped in Sayulita and relaxed at The Garden: Selina, it felt nice to get off property and explore the world around me.
The day of my island adventure was also my mother’s birthday. Beautifully enough, I felt that she was there adventuring with me.
On Friday, I had a massage with Rosy. Later, Joe curated a powerful group bonfire to seal the experience.
On Saturday morning, I as I finished packing and left my casita, I felt a sense of profound completion for the week’s events.
The Grief: Rebuilding Myself
Even though I was in such a beautiful experience, I honestly struggled to sleep the entire week. Partly, I was anxious about bugs biting me in the night, and partly because I had thrust myself into a social environment that was completely unfamiliar.
It felt like I was fumbling with the keys to unlock the dynamics of a destination yoga retreat but couldn’t figure out how to open the door. I cracked it a little – and that was good enough.
I admit that I felt out of place, unsure of how to navigate the space or fit in socially. My physical energy was depleted from anxiety, making it hard to keep up with the daily yoga sessions.
Emotionally, I felt a constant barrier between myself and those around me — the grief that lingered like an uninvited guest. I kept trying to push it down, to suppress it, but the effort left me feeling disconnected and exhausted. So, I smiled for the most that I could – and mostly kept to myself.
But still, I showed up – for myself and the person I was growing into.
During this time, I found myself juggling work, writing offers for my real estate clients, and submitting them to unresponsive agents. The irony wasn’t lost on me—there I was, swinging in a hammock, sending out DocuSign documents for signatures, all while struggling to confront my own emotions about the past year. It felt surreal, almost absurd, to manage the intricacies of professional life while my personal world felt so unsteady.
On top of it all, even the act of moving felt like a monumental effort. My body seemed weighed down by an invisible heaviness, an all-too-familiar sensation I hadn’t felt since the days following my mother’s death. I hadn’t anticipated its return, and the unexpectedness of it caught me off guard, amplifying the sense of struggle. But, I got through it.
My Mother’s Gift
There are certain experiences in my life that I can look at and say, without a doubt, that a higher grace was at work. When I was upgraded to first class on my flight back, I didn’t think much of it. But, when Joe was also upgraded, and into the seat next to mine – I firmly believed that was my mother’s blessing at work.
I had to come to terms with the fact that my mother was dead. That she was, in fact, not coming back. And with that – how I felt about certain other family relationships.
After I explained everything – and I do mean everything – to Joe, he recommended two books that shifted my life: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by
by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD and What We Say Matters by Judith and Ike Lasater.
Overall
You never really know when you meet someone, where they will fit into your life. When I met Joe so many years ago, while I was working at YogaWorks, I had no idea that he would be such a pivotal presence in recovering from the loss of my mother and learning to trust life again. This yoga retreat – even though I could only summon the strength to take a few physical classes, was what I needed.
The grief hurts. I mean, I started writing this post in early 2024 and could bring myself to finish it. So, here I am in 2025, looking back at such an incredibly tender time in my life. There were moments that I felt like couldn’t go on and that living without hearing my mom’s voice – calling her and hearing her say my name – that it was going to break me.
But, it didn’t. And even when I didn’t want to wake up, I did. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself “you can do this.”
So, I did.
Haramara Retreat
NayaritSayulita, Mexico 63728
